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eHarmony Primer Part 1

by Marco Ken on January 29, 2012

in Relationships

When you read the negative reviews of eHarmony, they generally follow the same track.  People try it out by signing up for 6 months, end up having two dates and then give up.  My experience was different.  I signed up for two months and after my second month had an average of 2 dates per week.  I met my wife and am now happily married to the most fantastically-awesome girl any guy could ask for.  How did I do it?  Easy; I’m an engineer.  I dissected eHarmony to its core and created a fool-proof system for meeting the love of your life.  If you follow my tips, tricks, and advice you can do the same…trust me, I’m a scientist.

First, why  are you considering eHarmony?  It’s an important question because your answer dictates whether eHarmony will work for you or not.  Firstly, eHarmony will not work for you if you’re a loser.  Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the service is just not set up for losers…ditto if you’re a douchebag…unless you’re an elitist douchebag, then that’s okay.  It’s a critical differentiation to make so let’s be sure we define what a loser is.

•If you’re a guy and you live with your parents, you’re a loser.

•If the world revolves around you, you’re a loser.

•If you drink to excess and/or do drugs, you’re a loser.

•If your after work ritual is to go hang out at a bar, you’re a loser.

•If you don’t have a single friend…anywhere, you’re a loser.

•If you play Xbox, or PlayStation more hours per week than you work, you’re a loser.

•If more than 38% of your wardrobe consists of sci-fi t-shirts, you’re a loser.  Note:  If you’re an engineer that number automatically defaults to 92%

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, we can move on…but first, a quick explanation about the loser bullet points.  eHarmony will not compensate for any deficiencies you have (especially personality deficiencies), and it’s aimed at someone mature (generally over 24, and they don’t accept members under 21).  The purpose of eHarmony is to match you with a girl or guy who’s a fit for you.  If you have no respect for others, you don’t believe in being responsible, and/or you think Pauly Shore is funny, then you’re just not mature enough for eHarmony yet (especially if you think Pauly Shore is funny…and that goes double for Jack Black).  It doesn’t mean you won’t be in the future…you’re just not ready now, and you’ll be wasting your money.

Lastly, if you screened out of all the others but your hang up is the lack of even a single friend, then I’m sorry, once again eHarmony is just going to be a waste of money for you.  If you don’t have even a single friend anywhere, then a boyfriend/girlfriend is the last thing you need.  If you’re personality is not conducive of a platonic friend, then it will be even worse attempting a relationship.  Instead, work on you and your personality first…eHarmony can and will wait.

So if you screened out of all the bullet points and you’re not a loser…then CONGRATULATIONS!!!  Let the teaching begin.

eHarmony claims that they have a scientific matchmaking system based on 27 personality traits.  Well I can’t say for sure how true that is, but I can say that most of my matches were either teachers or nurses, and most engineers marry either a teacher or a nurse.  The nerd/nurse personality is a popular fit.  The nerd clumsily walks into walls; the nurse patches him up.  That being said, the evidence is there that there really is something to the personality profile thing.

Now that aside, it’s time to ask what your goal is.  Well if you’re a moral person, your goal should be to find a wife or husband…and the best way to do that?? VOLUME!!!  That’s right, your actual goal is to go out on as many dates as possible.  The reason is simple, with eHarmony being such a popular service, there are dozens upon dozens upon dozens of singles out there whose personality will be a good match for you, and eHarmony will show these profiles with pictures in your match screen. (It doesn’t grade the picture, just the personality profile) Thus it will match you up with the uglys.  It will also match you up with people you just don’t click with, but that’s okay, keep in mind you’re going to follow my tips and find your future wife or husband.

The reason for volume is two-fold, and critical.  One, it’s better for your bottom line.  eHarmony is expensive, and that’s no joke.  I met my wife before my 3 months expired; my wife signed up for a year.  I was the only guy she went out with (I mean c’mon it is me…) She was the 23rd girl I went out with over my 3 month period.

The second reason is that you want to use the service to date a variety of people to discover that one match who is just perfect for you.  Plus you’ll discover a whole bunch of things you just can’t handle in a relationship, along with discovering new things you would like.  Along the way you’ll find out more about yourself…and that’s always a good thing.  One last thing before we get started.  If you Google eHarmony you will find many review sites and many former users who are angry at the service because  they received very few matches or because they couldn’t get past the introductory questions phase.  This is because they didn’t follow my tips and tricks.  Consider the following.  You’re a girl and a dozen guys send you an introductory set of questions.  How do you determine which ones you’ll respond to?  You’ll read the profile and look at the pictures.  By following my scientifically-tested eHarmony process you’ll learn how to stand out from the crowd and meet the guy or girl of your dreams.  BTW I do expect a wedding invite.


The first part is self explanatory, so I won’t go into detail here.  Signup, pick your username and plan (like I said, I picked 3 months) and then you’re off to the nearly 500  question personality test.  Believe it or not, this is still the easy part.  The only thing you have to remember is to be honest.  If you’re not sure that you can do this part unbiased, then you’ll need to have a friend assist.  For example, there is a question asking if your significant other can be a smoker.  Now you may think, “Well I guess it’s okay.” But your friends who know you will say, “No way can you handle someone who smokes.”  This is the type of honesty here that must be used on the rest of the questions.  It will take over an hour, so take your time.  This is the part of eHarmony that is critical since how you answer these questions determines who you get matched with.  Once that’s done it’s off to the part where you create your profile.  This is the first thing prospective dates will see when they are matched with you.  Many of the other advice sites have this part wrong…but I’m going to show you how to do it right.  Here’s where the tips actually start.


It’s important to note that when a woman joins a site like eHarmony, it’s usually because she’s had enough of dating losers.  At least that’s what I’ve been told from 3 other women who’ve met their husbands on eHarmony.  This means you must ensure your profile does not scream “loser”  but instead screams “awesome!!”  But this doesn’t mean you need to fill out the entire profile.  Mine is only filled out at 55% percent.  The profile consists of 3 primary sections.

  • Basics
  • In my own words
  • (Something to Talk About)
  • Values
  • My Photos

I’ll start out by taking you through Basics:  This section consists of information such as your height, whether or not you smoke etc… By the way, don’t exaggerate about your height.  Women don’t like a short man; it may not be fair, it’s just the way it is, though.  So while you may be tempted to add a couple of inches it will be noticed (women are very observant) and you’ll be starting off by being deceptive…so just don’t do it. Oh, and the most important thing…if you don’t want kids, specify that here, just click the checkbox “No”    It will exclude a lot of wonderful women, but if you are sure you don’t want to have kids, then you don’t want to start a relationship, fall in love, and then have an issue where one party wants children and the other doesn’t; it will possibly lead to a lifetime of resentment.  Remember before what I said about being honest.

The next section from Basics is called “In My Own Words” Here are the questions:


Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

Skip this question.  It is self-centered and at best won’t help you, and at worst will make you look like an arrogant douche.


What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?

Ahhh, now this is more like it.  Notice the difference between the two questions.  One is self-centered, the other is not.  It’s focused on qualities external to you.  So how do we answer it?  We take the engineering approach of course.  The goal, if you recall, is to be awesome (that goes for both men and women).  Here’s my answer and I’ll explain why I chose the wording the way that I did

I’m looking for a girl who is mature, funny/witty, and sweet.  She should have a good grasp on her life; be able to set goals and achieve them.  I’d like a girl that loves to laugh and has a singular wit, after all isn’t life most enjoyed when you can laugh at the world around you?  I’m also looking for a girl who’s sweet and can get others to smile.

So why did I pick these words.  Simple, every girl thinks she’s witty and sweet.  Every girl believes she is achieving her goals, and every girl thinks she can get others to smile.  Notice how I’ve used sweet more than twice.  I want a girl that I get matched with to look at this and say, “Hey that guy’s looking for me”  Get it?  YOU DO NOT want to include anything specific here.  So you may really want a girl who shares your love of Dr. Who…but in the grander scheme of things it doesn’t matter so don’t put anything specific here.  Remember the goal…as many dates as possible.  For this question women will want to put generalities for men here, so the ladies should use words like strong, successful, able to take charge.  Every man believes he is these three things so using verbiage such as that will make guys looking at your profile say, “Hey that girl’s looking for me.”


Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?

This is another self-centered question but you need to answer it to reveal your profession if you’re a guy.  A girl will skip this question and answer the next.  So why do you want to just throw out what you do for a living?  Well that’s namely, because men and women are different.  You see it doesn’t matter how old you are.  25, 35, 75, it doesn’t matter, as one thing is universal.  When a guy tells a buddy he went out a date last night, the first thing his buddy replies with is, “Is she hot?”  By the same token when a girl says she went out with a guy last night, the first thing her friend will say is, “What does he do?”  The underlying fundamentals here are why you need to listen to me on this.  You see, a guy doesn’t want to date an ugly girl and a girl doesn’t want to date a bum.  Here’s my answer:

I’m easy going and I love to laugh…and also that not every engineer uses a pocket protector.

My answer conveys 2 things:  I have a sense of humor, and I’m a professional.  Every girl wants to date a guy with a sense of humor, and every girl wants to date a professional.  When men get together we talk about or jobs.  When women get together they talk about their families.  No woman wants to be in her circle of friends and say she’s dating the guy who shovels horse manure.  So yes, if you’re a man and don’t have a “decent” paying job your prospects are greatly diminished.  It’s sad, but it’s true.  That aside, you don’t need to be a professional to make eHarmony work, but it’s a lot easier if you’re successful.  Understand, there’s a lot of professionals out there who are complete losers at life and are the epitome of unsuccessful.  So I’m not talking about how much money you make, I’m talking about whether you spend 110% of your income every month.  Do you invest your money?  Do you have a nest egg?  So if you’re a guy and you have a white-collar job, list that here.  If you have a blue-collar job and you own your house perhaps a word or two about a sunburn from working on your house.  After all the question is about things people notice.  Now, as for women, remember what I said about, “Is she hot?” well you’re going to answer the next question.


What is the ONE thing that people DON’T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

This is a chance for a classy lady to shine.  You must understand that every man wants to have a pretty girl on his arm; no guy wants to have a trashy girl on his arm.  At least no decent guy i.e. the marrying kind.  So when you answer this question you’re doing it from a perspective of class, beauty, cuteness, and style.  This means you will not focus on your chest, legs, or buttocks.  A classy answer, therefore, would be something like, “Not every redhead has freckles.” or “Even short girls have a pretty smile.” or “Even tall girls have a pretty smile.”  Those statements say nothing, and yet they say everything about you to a guy.  A descent man wants to marry a girl he can bring home to mom.  By saying something similar to the above, you’re telling a prospective suitor that’s exactly what you are.


Five things that you ‘can’t live without

Feel free to use your own judgment here when answering this question.  I suggest if you have pets you list them here, oh and one very important point.  Don’t be cute and put down something like your favorite alcoholic beverage.  That’s a sure turn off.


Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?

This is a useless question, skip it.


Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?



What are you most passionate about?

Fill this section is using your own judgment as well.  What you will want to keep in mind is that anything that is volunteer or civic duty related goes here.  Even it’s being an occasional chaperon for a school outing, it shows that you’re passionate about helping children.

The four things your friends say about you are:

Use your judgment, there is no wrong answer here


What are three of my best life skills?



Lastly this leaves  How do you typically spend your leisure time?

You need to fill in this section, and you need to be very very careful here.  First, my answer with an explanation.

I enjoy spending time outdoors with my Boxer dog Trajan.  He’s a great friend and he loves everybody.  Sometimes his size and his abundance of energy can seem intimidating at first, but if you can ignore that he’ll shower you with affection.  I also enjoy writing. Sometimes I write about humor, sometimes politics.  When I’m really in the mood I’ll write political humor.  Just look at all the candidates we have for both parties and it’s easy to understand why.

My point here is to let the girls know that I enjoy playing with my dog and I enjoy writing.  This lets a woman view me as being a well-rounded individual.  Women, unless they don’t like pets, have a special place in there heart reserved for guys who have a dog.  This is because a woman figures a guy who can handle a dog will be able to handle children.  Not that I’m saying the two are the same, though I’m sure some of you out there will say that they’re close.

One of the things you don’t want to do with this question is say that you spend your leisure time watching sports, or playing Xbox, or doing nothing.  Women hate a lazy man.  Sad but true guys.  You know I once was having a discussion with the wife of a married friend of mine when I was in college and she said, “When I come home and I see my husband taking a nap on the couch…well it just bothers me.”  I asked her why and she said she really couldn’t explain it, it just bothered her.  And he was in school for engineering mind you.

A similar comment goes for the ladies. Do not do not do not put down that you like to spend time with your girlfriends shopping.  I can assure you there’s no bigger turn off for men.  I closed at least two dozen profiles from girls because that was how they claim they typically spend their leisure time.

Click here to continue on to eHarmony Primer Part 2

-Marco Ken


  • Sammy J

    Funny and very informative!! Thanks to u 🙂
    From an E-harmony user (that now needs to review her profile he he)!

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